earlier in Stackers

At this difficult time Stackton Tressel town council have reluctantly moved the annual Lady Di Lookalike competition to the fireworks display November in Gayla Park.  Hamish McEdbanguh commented 'The Coy Look You’d Most Like To Take Home Award' won’t be the same in the dark.

The Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum is giving free entry to anyone with a blue passport.

For ethical and legal reasons (plus we're now up to fourth on the allotments waiting list) we can't report on the Stackton Tressel town council meeting earlier this month but we note Major Gervaise DeRoute is still walking with a limp.

Emotional scenes at last night's monthly Stackton Tressel town council meeting.  We'd like to tell you about it but we had to sign a non-disclosure agreement if we ever want to get to the top of the allotments waiting list.

In fake news the Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum is hosting an exhibition of famous trouser forgeries.  Exhibits includes the alleged drain pipes PJ Proby famously split on stage ... twice, and repro breeches the Duke of Wellington wore to relieve himself before relieving somewhere.  The show runs until October and then continues its tour of places where there's not a lot to do.

The East African Daily Times has reported that Stackton Tressel town council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger refused to appear on Desert Island Discs when they rejected her selection of exclusively Edward Sheeran songs.  She commented I've been told Edward Sheraton is local, has done much to promote the area and is in need of the income from some wireless airplay. ♫

Spike Ristonde has resigned his controversial appointment as Stackton Tressel wellbeing deliverance officer to take up a new position in the town.  The Stackton Busy Club has appointed Mr Ristonde Town Events Manager after the town's 35 space Trees Car Park almost ran out of spaces at last year's Trouser Fest.  Mr Ristonde said he was delighted to be appointed for such a vibrant, exciting and cosmopolitan venue and wouldn't be surprised to see local celebrity Ed Sheeran at the Trouser Fest as he's been told Ed often wears trousers.

At yesterday's monthly Stackton Tressel town council meeting Spike Ristonde was appointed wellbeing deliverance officer.  His choice was questioned by STCk (the resident's association) because of his EDL membership and undischarged bankruptcy but tc chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger observed he was the only candidate and he does like trees.

When Pitkin Homes restored the Stackton Tressel Perpetuity trouser factory into studio flats estate agents started calling the town's industrial south the artisan quarter.  This has become so popular with estate agents in all of Suffolk that at this month's town council meeting Major Gervaise DeRoute suggested renaming Stackton's artisan quarter the artisan three eighths.

To liven up town council meetings Stackton Tressel council have applied for a lottery grant to buy a smoke machine after trials with Hamish McEdbanguh's e-cigarette were a bit pants.  Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger commented I'd enjoy making a bit of an entrance especially as I've bought a new pair of trousers, you know the ones with an elastic waistband?

The East African is reporting that a Stackton Tressel man was abducted by aliens.

At last Thursday's Stackton Tressel town council meeting Major Gervaise DeRoute strongly advocated that the the militants who occupied the Little Mutterings' phone box should be declared a terrorist organisation.  Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger declined the suggestion commenting this is Suffolk there was nothing organised about the protest and what's more she was surprised anybody could get in the telephone box.

In this part of Suffolk you're more likely to be run down by a mobility scooter than an inline skater but we do like its been here forever bumptiousness ... and though unfair to say it's still the 1950s near the coast we have heard that sugar rationing didn't end in Stackton Tressel until 1966 ...

In an open letter to the East African Daily Times lifetime president of Stackton Tressel rugby club Major Gervaise DeRoute pointed out to the town council that though trial by ducking is probably illegal under Health and Safety legislation the town council do have the power to enforce an hour in the pillory and indeed the pillory is still stored at the back of the groundsman's hut in the cemetery.  Major DeRoute commented to us Of course we wouldn't be inhuman about this, pelting would be limited to softish foodstuffs, eggs and non-corrosive liquids.

Closely allied to Stackton Tressel town council the independent think tank the John Deere Foundation has proposed that defacing political posters in the run up to this month's European elections be made a capital offence.  Chairman of Stackton council Dame Celia Baumhugger said at last month's annual town meeting "Execution is probably going too far but trial by ducking seems reasonable to see if the miscreant truly realises they've let themselves down, they've let the town down and they've let the council down".

Perhaps prompted by recent happenings in nearby Framlingham chairman of Stackton Tressel town council Dame Celia Baumhugger yesterday donated many of her clothes to the town's Tree Protection League charity shop.  Some of the clothes were worn at a council meeting attended by Suffolk county council ex-chief executive Anthea Hall seen on the right.

There's an area bounded by Wickham Market, Debenham and Halesworth known near the coast as the Wickden Triangle within which either something in the water or incipient dementia prompts bizarre council behaviour such as this sign in the Stackton Tressel Crack Street car park.

The Stackton Tressel town clerk has reminded us that she asked people not lean bicycles on her office window almost exactly a year ago.

Stackton Tressel town council now have a Child Protection Policy: A child under eighteen years of age and in full time education may attend a town council function, event or meeting as long as a recent CRB check confirms the child has not engaged in violent activity for eighteen months prior to the town council function, event or meeting.

Glad you spotted yesterday's April fool, of course Dame Celia will be wearing dungarees and Doc Ms as usual to open the Stackton Tressel trouser exhibition, but the April fool that caught us out was the Rendlesham forest visitor centre didn't know there was mountain bike racing on let alone where it was despite sponsoring it.

Stackton Tressel will celebrate the Queen's jubilee this summer with an exhibition of Trousers Through The Ages in the St Hubert's Rooms.  With an irony probably uncomprehended in local government the exhibition will be opened by council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger wearing a dress.

11:42am  What's that Skip?  You've heard that at this week's Stackton Tressel town council Constable Thatchpole unbuttoned the clerk's cardie and tried to smear marmalade on her?  I know Skip, it's PC gone mad.

Tomorrow's Stackton Tressel film club showing is The Iron Lady the singalong version, members and guests are encouraged to wear a crisp blue suit and employ a hectoring tone when singing along.

The Stackton Tressel rugby club's spring production will be Gilbert and Sullivan's HMS Pinafore ... those rugby footballers do love dressing up.