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Stackton Tressel

we 24 Aug 2022	An unnamed Stackton Tressel town councillor has commented on Major DeRoute's proposal to ban some residents from the allotments waiting list The Major is very like his Jack Russell, you just have to wait for him to stop barking.
th 4 Aug 2022	Stackton Tressel town council finance committee chairman Major Gervaise DeRoute will propose at the next full council meeting that people who do not have a Co-op card or only moved to the town 22 years ago (a year after him) or less should be barred from the allotment waiting list. Council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger commented she couldn't see how this would help Stacker's tree community.
fr 1 Apr 2022	Stackton Tressel ballet dancer in residence Callista Flute has volunteered to give the town councillors poise lessons ... that'll work eh?
we 2 Feb 2022	To assist with the government's leveling up policy Stackton Tressel town council is considering appointing a Spirit Level Officer (SLO). Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger commented Hopefully they could also assist the tree warden.
th 20 Jan 2022	The wifi password in the Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum cafe is trousers.
tu 12 Oct 2021	Stackton Tressel's response to the pandemic at best is belated and certainly dated especially as the blokes on the right don't know how to wear a mask.
sa 5 Jun 2021	Stackton Tressel (pop 6,324) town council denies informal meetings to discuss a unilateral declaration of independence after the government finalises a trade deal with Liechtenstein (pop 38,229). Council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger said she'd heard there were trees in Liechtenstein.
th 1 Apr 2021	Stackton Tressel town council have appointed a Fun Czar but for security reasons have not identified the new appointee. Suggestions have been made it's that there Ed Sheraton. Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger wouldn't confirm or deny this though she volunteered the new Czar does like trees.
we 10 Mar 2021 Lectern	The town coucil's PR and Markets committee earlier this month discussed buying a lectern to use for White House type press briefings. A decision was deferred until next month when chairman of the Finance committee Major Gervaise DeRoute opined Surely a fax to the East African and maybe the Plomesgate Illuminator if it's still going would be enough?
we 13 Jan 2021	The town council's Suffolkness committee has issued new guidelines. To be authentic Suffolk you should have a Co-op loyalty card, drink beer (meaning mild) not lager, know what squit is, who the manager of ITFC is and where Benhall and Little Mutterings are, and not use 'do' and 'does' the right way round like those la di da townies from that there London does ... owning a tractor helps ...
we 2 Dec 2020 Trouser Museum	Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum staff have requested Covid-19 test kits. The trustees have refused saying the staff should be able to tell if someone is infected by the sound of their cough.
tu 3 Nov 2020	The fictional Stackton Tressel on Radio 4 Extra today.
th 27 Aug 2020	The Lunar Gavotte is the larger of Stackton Tressel's one and a half coffee shops. The Gav is no longer serving a complimentary speculoos biscuit with each coffee because of government Covid-19 guide lines ... no, we can't see how that works either?
we 1 Apr 2020	At this difficult time Stackton Tressel town council have reluctantly moved the annual Lady Di Lookalike competition to the fireworks display November in Gayla Park. Hamish McEdbanguh commented 'The Coy Look You’d Most Like To Take Home Award' won’t be the same in the dark.
sa 1 Feb 2020	The Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum is giving free entry to anyone with a blue passport.
th 23 Jan 2020	For ethical and legal reasons (plus we're now up to fourth on the allotments waiting list) we can't report on the Stackton Tressel town council meeting earlier this month but we note Major Gervaise DeRoute is still walking with a limp.
su 13 Oct 2019	The Stackton Tressel Angry Fly couldn't serve it's signature dish chips with chips last night because the deep fat fryer had self destructed. Landlord Steph (he's originally from Little Mutterings) Crackedpole commented It was chaos for a while, we tried serving roasties with roasties but it wasn't the same ... but then nobody fried. Thankfully that there Ed Sheraton wasn't in as there was nothing marinated in tomato ketchup on the menu.
fr 8 Feb 2019	Yesterday at Stackton Tressel's monthly town council meeting the council's preparations for Brexit were discussed. These include stockpiling sticks, free walking lessons in case of petrol supply problems and a £100,000 contract with Seaborne Freight to supply emergency tree surgeons. For no apparent reason councillor Major Gervaise DeRoute described the Little Mutterings parish council as the rural political elite. A member of the public gallery expressed surprise that Major DeRoute still has a driving license.

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