Stackton Tressel

We all know that walking consists of putting on your walking clothes, driving to a walking place, changing your shoes and then walking.  Advanced walking is leaving the house in your everyday clothes and instead of driving walking to do your errands.  To make this activity safer Stackton Tressel town council have produce the booklet Advanced Walking covering training, safety, navigation, meeting other advanced walkers, etc.  There is a small charge ... unless they know you of course.

This coming May Stradbroke will have a contested parish council election, around near the coast most places probably won't bother ... don't know about Stackton Tressel yet.  Surprisingly applications to be a parish/town councillor have to be delivered to the district council by hand, in Stradders the parish clerk will deliver it for you.

At yesterday's Stackton Tressel council meeting Major Gervaise DeRoute demanded that if Scotland votes yes in the upcoming referendum Stackton should untwin from Stoneybridge Clackmannanshire and declare Scotland a terrorist organisation.  Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger said she'd heard there were trees in Scotland.

The East African is reporting that a Stackton Tressel man was abducted by aliens.

At last Thursday's Stackton Tressel town council meeting Major Gervaise DeRoute strongly advocated that the the militants who occupied the Little Mutterings' phone box should be declared a terrorist organisation.  Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger declined the suggestion commenting this is Suffolk there was nothing organised about the protest and what's more she was surprised anybody could get in the telephone box.

In this part of Suffolk you're more likely to be run down by a mobility scooter than an inline skater but we do like its been here forever bumptiousness ... and though unfair to say it's still the 1950s near the coast we have heard that sugar rationing didn't end in Stackton Tressel until 1966 ...

In an open letter to the East African Daily Times lifetime president of Stackton Tressel rugby club Major Gervaise DeRoute pointed out to the town council that though trial by ducking is probably illegal under Health and Safety legislation the town council do have the power to enforce an hour in the pillory and indeed the pillory is still stored at the back of the groundsman's hut in the cemetery.  Major DeRoute commented to us Of course we wouldn't be inhuman about this, pelting would be limited to softish foodstuffs, eggs and non-corrosive liquids.

Closely allied to Stackton Tressel town council the independent think tank the John Deere Foundation has proposed that defacing political posters in the run up to this month's European elections be made a capital offence.  Chairman of Stackton council Dame Celia Baumhugger said at last month's annual town meeting "Execution is probably going too far but trial by ducking seems reasonable to see if the miscreant truly realises they've let themselves down, they've let the town down and they've let the council down".

Perhaps prompted by recent happenings in nearby Framlingham chairman of Stackton Tressel town council Dame Celia Baumhugger yesterday donated many of her clothes to the town's Tree Protection League charity shop.  Some of the clothes were worn at a council meeting attended by Suffolk county council ex-chief executive Anthea Hall seen on the right.

Country Wife magazine has named Stackton Tressel's historic Crack Street as one of England's hundred best views.  Town council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger commented We welcome visitors to view our historic Crack Street and Trouser Museum but prefer they don't say things ... you know ... things.

There's an area bounded by Wickham Market, Debenham and Halesworth known near the coast as the Wickden Triangle within which either something in the water or incipient dementia prompts bizarre council behaviour such as this sign in the Stackton Tressel Crack Street car park.

The Tour de France Féminin has had a troubled history but we suspect with Britain's new found interest in (if not understanding of) cycle racing the Women's Tour of Britain may do better ... that is until Britain discovers it's interested in full contact piggy in the middle when the Tomo twins from Stackton Tressel win world gold at Sarajevo.  Stage 3 of the Women's Tour of Britain starts Friday 9 May Felixstowe-Clacton.

Major Gervaise DeRoute lifetime president of Stackton Tressel rugby club has emailed to say Howard from the Halifax ads not Princess Grace of Monaco will be opening the annual carnival this Monday, there appears to have been some misunderstanding, apparently Princess Grace died in 1982.

Prompted by the Duchess of Cambridge's wedding dress the Stackton Tressel rugby club have booked Princess Grace of Monaco as the celebrity to open their bank holiday carnival Monday week.

The recent Boston bombs and PC Thatchpole's secondment to Norfolk and Suffolk's UCTU (Unified Tractor Crime Unit) have prompted Stackton Tressel town council to cancel next month's soap box racing.  Last year's winner Hamish McEdbanguh commented I wish I hadn't bothered to have a haircut now.

Apparently it snowed in Stackton Tressel this morning.

The Stackton Tressel town clerk has reminded us that she asked people not lean bicycles on her office window almost exactly a year ago.

Stackton Tressel town council now have a Child Protection Policy: A child under eighteen years of age and in full time education may attend a town council function, event or meeting as long as a recent CRB check confirms the child has not engaged in violent activity for eighteen months prior to the town council function, event or meeting.

PC Evan Thatchpole is well regarded in Stackton Tressel by the older residents for his old style policing; mouthy teenagers get a clip round the ear.  Sunday Evan is running the large town near Chelmsford marathon, you can sponsor him to help near the coast youth clubs buy hearing aids.

Glad you spotted yesterday's April fool, of course Dame Celia will be wearing dungarees and Doc Ms as usual to open the Stackton Tressel trouser exhibition, but the April fool that caught us out was the Rendlesham forest visitor centre didn't know there was mountain bike racing on let alone where it was despite sponsoring it.

Stackton Tressel will celebrate the Queen's jubilee this summer with an exhibition of Trousers Through The Ages in the St Hubert's Rooms.  With an irony probably uncomprehended in local government the exhibition will be opened by council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger wearing a dress.

Stackton Tressel now has it's own page, as does Little Mutterings.

11:42am  What's that Skip?  You've heard that at this week's Stackton Tressel town council Constable Thatchpole unbuttoned the clerk's cardie and tried to smear marmalade on her?  I know Skip, it's PC gone mad.

Tomorrow's Stackton Tressel film club showing is The Iron Lady the singalong version, members and guests are encouraged to wear a crisp blue suit and employ a hectoring tone when singing along.

To liven up their image Stackton Tressel councillors, are, like the Spice Girls, taking nicknames ... wonder which one will be Slapper Councillor ... or Surrounding Villages Wellbeing Deliverance Councillor.

The Swiss consultants employed by the town council but funded by the Office for Economic Expression have suggested that Stackton Tressel should be re-branded Stackton Tresslé.  The council are reluctant to change the name as it would mean having to order a new flag.

The Stackton Tressel town clerk has asked would people please STOP leaning bicycles on her window, thank you.

Stackton Tressel town council have published the useful and free leaflet How To Return A Stick To The Wild.  They are optimistic county councillor Colin Colon will find the monies in his locality fund so they can publish So You Want To Walk On A Pavement in time for the autumn.

There will be no town council election in Stackton Tressel Thursday as not enough Stackers are standing to force an election.

Rural Myth 30:  The Stackton Tressel town council does include a cat (Mr Doophus) but he does not sit on the markets committee because the market supervisor is a fishmonger.

The Stackton Tressel rugby club's spring production will be Gilbert and Sullivan's HMS Pinafore ... those rugby footballers do love dressing up.