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Stackton Tressel

we 24 Aug

An unnamed Stackton Tressel town councillor has commented on Major DeRoute's proposal to ban some residents from the allotments waiting list The Major is very like his Jack Russell, you just have to wait for him to stop barking.

su 21 Aug

TenaA misunderstanding last week at the Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum.  As there's been a lot of recent political activity Carron in the office was asked to get a quote for a close protection officer ... she ordered a catering size box of Tena pads.

th 4 Aug
allotments ban

Suffolk sophisticates have both Co-op cardsStackton Tressel town council finance committee chairman Major Gervaise DeRoute will propose at the next full council meeting that people who do not have a Co-op card or only moved to the town 22 years ago (a year after him) or less should be barred from the allotment waiting list.  Council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger commented she couldn't see how this would help Stacker's tree community.

fr 1 Apr

April FoolStackton Tressel ballet dancer in residence Callista Flute has volunteered to give the town councillors poise lessons ... that'll work eh?

we 2 Feb

Trees the tree warden failedTo assist with the government's leveling up policy Stackton Tressel town council is considering appointing a Spirit Level Officer (SLO).  Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger commented Hopefully they could also assist the tree warden.

th 20 Jan

The wifi password in the Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum cafe is trousers.

tu 12 Oct

Stackton Tressel's response to the pandemic at best is belated and certainly dated especially as the blokes on the right don't know how to wear a mask.

sa 5 Jun

A tree possibly in LiechtensteinStackton Tressel (pop 6,324) town council denies informal meetings to discuss a unilateral declaration of independence after the government finalises a trade deal with Liechtenstein (pop 38,229).  Council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger said she'd heard there were trees in Liechtenstein.

th 1 Apr
Rubbish Thursday ... the day before Good Friday

Stackton Tressel town council have appointed a Fun Czar but for security reasons have not identified the new appointee.  Suggestions have been made it's thatApril Fool there Ed Sheraton.  Chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger wouldn't confirm or deny this though she volunteered the new Czar does like trees.

we 10 Mar

East African Daily TimesThe town coucil's PR and Markets committee earlier this month discussed buying a lectern to use for White House type press briefings.  A decision was deferred until next month when chairman of the Finance committee Major Gervaise DeRoute opined Surely a fax to the East African and maybe the Plomesgate Illuminator if it's still going would be enough?

we 13 Jan

The town council's Suffolkness committee has issued new guidelines.  To be authentic Suffolk you should have a Co-op loyalty card, drink beer (meaning mild) not lager, know what squit is, who the manager of ITFC is and where Benhall and Little Mutterings are, and not use 'do' and 'does' the right way round like those la di da townies from that there London does ... owning a tractor helps ...

we 2 Dec
Trouser Museum

Stackton Tressel Trouser MuseumStackton Tressel Trouser Museum staff have requested Covid-19 test kits.  The trustees have refused saying the staff should be able to tell if someone is infected by the sound of their cough.

tu 3 Nov

The fictional Stackton Tressel on Radio 4 Extra today.

th 27 Aug

Lotus speculoos biscuitThe Lunar Gavotte is the larger of Stackton Tressel's one and a half coffee shops.  The Gav is no longer serving a complimentary speculoos biscuit with each coffee because of government Covid-19 guide lines ... no, we can't see how that works either?

we 1 Apr
April Fool

Last year's Lady Di lookalike winner ... well it is SuffolkAt this difficult time Stackton Tressel town council have reluctantly moved the annual Lady Di Lookalike competition to the fireworks display November in Gayla Park.  Hamish McEdbanguh commented 'The Coy Look You’d Most Like To Take Home Award' won’t be the same in the dark.

sa 1 Feb

The Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum is giving free entry to anyone with a blue passport.

th 23 Jan

For ethical and legal reasons (plus we're now up to fourth on the allotments waiting list) we can't report on the Stackton Tressel town council meeting earlier this month but we note Major Gervaise DeRoute is still walking with a limp.

su 13 Oct

Chips with chips at the Angry FlyThe Stackton Tressel Angry Fly couldn't serve it's signature dish chips with chips last night because the deep fat fryer had self destructed.  Landlord Steph (he's originally from Little Mutterings) Crackedpole commented It was chaos for a while, we tried serving  roasties with roasties but it wasn't the same ... but then nobody friedThankfully that there Ed Sheraton wasn't in as there was nothing marinated in tomato ketchup on the menu.

fr 8 Feb

Advanced Walking published by Stackton Tressel TCYesterday at Stackton Tressel's monthly town council meeting the council's preparations for Brexit were discussed.  These include stockpiling sticks, free walking lessons in case of petrol supply problems and a £100,000 contract with Seaborne Freight to supply emergency tree surgeons.  For no apparent reason councillor Major Gervaise DeRoute described the Little Mutterings parish council as the rural political elite.  A member of the public gallery expressed surprise that Major DeRoute still has a driving license.

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