Stackton Tressel

Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum staff have requested Covid-19 test kits.  The trustees have refused saying the staff should be able to tell if someone is infected by the sound of their cough.

The fictional Stackton Tressel on Radio 4 Extra today.

The Lunar Gavotte is the larger of Stackton Tressel's one and a half coffee shops.  The Gav is no longer serving a complimentary speculoos biscuit with each coffee because of government Covid-19 guide lines ... no, we can't see how that works either?

At this difficult time Stackton Tressel town council have reluctantly moved the annual Lady Di Lookalike competition to the fireworks display November in Gayla Park.  Hamish McEdbanguh commented 'The Coy Look You’d Most Like To Take Home Award' won’t be the same in the dark.

The Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum is giving free entry to anyone with a blue passport.

For ethical and legal reasons (plus we're now up to fourth on the allotments waiting list) we can't report on the Stackton Tressel town council meeting earlier this month but we note Major Gervaise DeRoute is still walking with a limp.

Yesterday at Stackton Tressel's monthly town council meeting the council's preparations for Brexit were discussed.  These include stockpiling sticks, free walking lessons in case of petrol supply problems and a £100,000 contract with Seaborne Freight to supply emergency tree surgeons.  For no apparent reason councillor Major Gervaise DeRoute described the Little Mutterings parish council as the rural political elite.  A member of the public gallery expressed surprise that Major DeRoute still has a driving license.

Emotional scenes at last night's monthly Stackton Tressel town council meeting.  We'd like to tell you about it but we had to sign a non-disclosure agreement if we ever want to get to the top of the allotments waiting list.

In fake news the Stackton Tressel Trouser Museum is hosting an exhibition of famous trouser forgeries.  Exhibits includes the alleged drain pipes PJ Proby famously split on stage ... twice, and repro breeches the Duke of Wellington wore to relieve himself before relieving somewhere.  The show runs until October and then continues its tour of places where there's not a lot to do.

The East African Daily Times has reported that Stackton Tressel town council chairman Dame Celia Baumhugger refused to appear on Desert Island Discs when they rejected her selection of exclusively Edward Sheeran songs.  She commented I've been told Edward Sheraton is local, has done much to promote the area and is in need of the income from some wireless airplay. ♫

Spike Ristonde has resigned his controversial appointment as Stackton Tressel wellbeing deliverance officer to take up a new position in the town.  The Stackton Busy Club has appointed Mr Ristonde Town Events Manager after the town's 35 space Trees Car Park almost ran out of spaces at last year's Trouser Fest.  Mr Ristonde said he was delighted to be appointed for such a vibrant, exciting and cosmopolitan venue and wouldn't be surprised to see local celebrity Ed Sheeran at the Trouser Fest as he's been told Ed often wears trousers.